


Pony Tails Or Cotton Tails

by zzegnas



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Pet Parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-23
Updated: 2014-09-23
Packaged: 2018-02-18 13:40:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2350445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zzegnas/pseuds/zzegnas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>Zayn holds Neymar at arm’s length when he heads to the kitchen, unsure of what the duckling would do if he held it any closer.  Remembering what Harry had done a few days before, Zayn plugs up the sink and fills it halfway with water, then carefully lowers him into the bath.  He’s expecting Neymar to know the ropes already, but the duckling stays in place, staring intently at his human father.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Go on, swim!  Quack!  Do what your brethren before you have done!” Zayn flails his hands.  “Come on, Niall needs you cleaned up, and I don’t want him getting pissed at me because you’re being a pain in the ass.”</em>
</p><p>—</p><p>Niall buys a duckling and Zayn is NOT happy about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pony Tails Or Cotton Tails

**Author's Note:**

  * For [blackviolets](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackviolets/gifts).



> I don't know what else to say other than I've lost my damn mind. All based on [this post](http://charlieseesmore.tumblr.com/post/60548642867/my-friend-got-a-duck) and how I thought Niall would seem the type to do just that haha.
> 
> Another one for my friend Tasha, who's been tolerating my duckling bs since day one :) Oh, and I forgot to mention this is Americanized, oops!
> 
> Title from the "Duck Tales" theme song. Come say hi on [tumblr](http://jenkothat.tumblr.com/) if you'd like!

Zayn could say he’s living a comfortable life.  The money he makes as an assistant manager at the local supermarket is enough to share a place with Niall, his boyfriend of four years, and if there’s anything Zayn loves to do, it’s spoiling Niall with whatever he wants.  So when Niall begs Zayn to go with him to the county fair, there’s no way he’s going to refuse.  
  
Zayn loves going to fairs, indulging himself with as many funnel cakes as he can possibly stuff in his mouth, not to mention the lobster rolls he only ever eats once in a while.  And no outing is complete without their best friend Harry, attached to their hips as if he were their own son.  
  
The sweltering heat of the fairplex is too much to take at one point, but Niall and Harry make a beeline for the petting zoo, leaving a dehydrated Zayn dragging his beat up Doc Marten boots across the hot concrete.  He catches up with them a few minutes later, drinking a blue raspberry slushie from a giant cup.  Harry waves across the petting zoo to get Zayn’s attention, then gasps when a calf nuzzles his arm.  
  
“C’mere, cutie!  I’m Harry!” he squeals in delight.  
  
Zayn reaches Harry and holds on to the back of his shirt, keeping a firm grip just in case Harry’s lanky legs give out and make him fall into a pile of cow droppings.  The calf wiggles its ears at Harry and he lets out a goofy laugh, and attempts to climb over the metal railing to bring the animal closer to him.  
  
“Get your gangly ass back here _now_ ,” Zayn threatens, plastic straw still in his mouth.  Harry whines and Zayn pulls his shirt back even harder, bringing him to a safer distance.  “Where’s Niall?” he asks when Harry jumps down.  
  
“Over there, with the lady wearing mom jeans,” Harry points at a woman across the way, holding a small duckling for Niall to hold.  Niall cradles the duckling against his chest, lightly petting its head with a finger until it falls asleep, his eyes crinkling from grinning so wide when it wakes up again.  
  
Niall waves his hand in Zayn’s direction and holds up the duckling, pointing at it with a grin and mouthing something Zayn can’t translate.  He thinks Niall might be saying, ‘ _I want one, can we have one?_ ’ but he shakes his head, mostly out of confusion, and Niall sadly hands the duckling back to its owner.  
  
Niall stays quiet throughout the drive home until he and Zayn head to bed that night, the unusual silence making Zayn uneasy and worried.  By the time Zayn’s half asleep, he thinks he’s dreaming when Niall tells him, “I want a duck.  We could raise one together.”  
  
“Right,” Zayn mumbles, eyes drooping.  “I’ll get you one.  We'll go to the Disney store tomorrow after breakfast.”  
  
“Not a _toy_ , you geek, I meant the real thing.”  
  
“Yeah, all right,” he buries his head into his pillow, and doesn’t hear anything else for the rest of the night.  
  
—  
  
“What the hell is all this?”  
  
Zayn comes home from work to find the living room in an absolute mess; mounds of plastic bags, newspapers, and boxes covering every inch of the floor.  Harry and Niall are huddled in the corner whispering to each other, completely unaware of Zayn’s presence, even when he clears his throat.  
  
“Who’s going to clean this shit up?” Zayn raises his voice.  
  
“Hey!” Niall jumps to his feet with a grin.  He runs to Zayn and gives him a quick kiss, then takes him by the hand to where Harry is crouching on the ground.  “I’ve got a surprise, you’re going to love it,” he grins.  
  
“Are you ready for the cutest thing you’ve ever seen!?” Harry asks over his shoulder.  His back is hunched when he rises to his feet, hands cupped into the shape of a ball when he turns around.  
  
“Close your eyes,” Niall says to Zayn.  He does as he’s told, and his ears perk up the moment he hears a soft chirping in the room.  Niall extends Zayn’s arms out and cups his hands, quietly telling Harry, ‘ _Careful, don’t drop him._ ’  
  
Zayn furrows his brow feeling something soft, confused even further when it moves around.  “Niall, what on earth is–” he opens his eyes and blinks at the duckling in his hands, letting out a murderous scream when it pecks its beak on his thumb and nearly drops it to the floor.  
  
“Neymar!” Niall shrieks, immediately catching him.  “Oh, baby, I’m so sorry.  Daddy didn’t mean to drop you, it’s okay.”  
  
“Neymar?  Did you seriously name it after the soccer player?  What the hell is it doing in my house!?” Zayn asks all too quickly.  
  
“Babe, it’s a duckling!   _Our_ duckling!” Niall holds it up to Zayn’s face.  It gives him a chirp and Zayn backs away, unsure how to react.  “Don’t you remember?  I told you I was going to get one!”  
  
“That’s not a duck!” Zayn squeaks, pointing at its yellow down feathers and dark brown stripes.  “Ducks are supposed to look like Donald or Daffy, that’s a – a fuzzy demon bird!”  
  
Harry bursts with laughter followed by a series of snorts.  “Can’t you recognize your own son, Zayn?  He’s even got little blond stripes on his head like you did two years ago.”  
  
“My _son_ , what are you, crazy?” Zayn backs away again when Niall tries to comfort him.  “How could you do this without telling me?”  
  
“Neymar’s my favorite player, I don’t understand why–“  
  
“Not that!  I meant the fact that you straight up did this behind my back!”  
  
“It’s called a surprise, okay!?” Niall nearly shouts.  “I just, I want us to raise something together.  I know it’s not the husky you wanted, but I think he makes a nice addition to our home.”  
  
“But _why_ , Niall?  I thought we were happy enough as it is with Harry constantly hanging around every weekend,” Zayn reasons, hearing a distant ‘ _Hey..._ ’ from Harry.  “Please tell me you’re going to give it back.  What the hell’s our landlord going to say when he hears a bunch of quacking in the middle of the night, huh?”  
  
“You haven’t even held Neymar for more than a second and suddenly you’re the fucking pet police!?” Niall growls, surprising Zayn.  "Look, I’m not asking you to take care of him, but you  could at least–” Niall stops himself, eyes glassy when he looks away, and Zayn feels terrible.  
  
“Forget it.  You’re just going to ignore everything I say anyway.”  
  
“Niall, wait–”  
  
“I don’t want to hear it.”  
  
Niall turns away, focusing all his attention on the duckling, and Harry gives him a sympathetic shrug.  Zayn knocks over a box in frustration, revealing the duckling’s cage full of water, food, and a warm lamp light.  It's been decorated with a small flag of Brazil and a printout of their National Football Team, as well as a medium-sized picture frame of the real Neymar sitting beside the cage.  
  
Niall's already in too deep and the duckling’s here to stay.  
  
—  
  
The next day, Zayn’s sitting on the kitchen counter with his head against the cupboards, lazily eating a peanut butter sandwich.  He’s got the weekend off from work, a well deserved break after four consecutive days of thirteen hour shifts.  
  
Harry walks into the kitchen gently holding Neymar to his chest, softly speaking to him while he plugs up the sink and fills it halfway with running water.  Zayn watches as Harry slowly lowers the duckling into the makeshift bath, its small and fluffy body floating around for a moment.  After some encouragement from Harry, Neymar dips his small beak into the water for a drink, and swims under as quickly as he emerges, shaking his feathers and splashing the sink water everywhere.  
  
“Look at you making tidal waves!” Harry laughs.  
  
“I don’t like the way that thing is staring at me,” Zayn says with disdain.  
  
“That ‘thing’ isn’t even looking at you,” Harry mocks him.  “I wish you wouldn’t act like a sourpuss, Neymar doesn’t need your negativity.”  
  
“I didn’t ask for this devil bird to be in my apartment, he doesn’t even pay rent!”  
  
“See?  There you go again.”  
  
“I am not–” Zayn stops when Harry shoots him a glare, and begrudgingly goes back to his sandwich.  “Look, I just don’t see the point in having it around if we’re not going to turn it into peking duck.”  
  
Harry lets out a low and frustrated groan, keeping his attention on Neymar while he swims.  “Hey, did you know the male duck has a nine inch penis?”  
  
Zayn nearly gags, and he can see Harry smirking with delight.  “What the fuck, man, I’m eating!”  
  
“I saw a video of it online, their dicks spiral out of their body like a corkscrew, all wiggly–”  
  
“Harry, that’s enough!”  
  
Zayn swallows the last of his food and throws his crumpled napkin at Harry’s head, who flips him off in retaliation.  Zayn rolls his eyes and jumps off the counter as soon as Harry takes Neymar out of the sink, quickly drying him off with a clean dish towel.  
  
“You don’t have to take it out on Neymar,” Harry calmly says when Zayn passes him.  “Niall hardly ever sees you with all those hours you work, and he needs your–”  
  
“Don’t ever bring up my work problems,” Zayn points a finger at Harry, startling him.  “Even if I did have the time to take care of this _thing_ , Niall still brought him home without my consent and I want it out of here.”  
  
Harry frowns.  “Would you rather have Niall cheat on you?”  
  
Zayn’s heart pounds out of his chest, unable to fathom if Niall did find satisfaction from someone else.  He looks back at a worrisome Harry, and Zayn feels like three metric tons of guilt have dropped on him as punishment.  He and Niall used to spend all their time together before his promotion, and now he’s feeling threatened that a _duck_ , of all things, is about take his place.  
  
Niall comes in through the front door not a second later, dropping two large paper bags onto the coffee table.  Zayn runs to him for a kiss, but he’s left hanging when Niall turns his cheek, grinning wide the moment Harry sets Neymar to the floor, happily running towards his feet.  
  
Niall excitedly picks him up, nuzzling his nose against Neymar’s beak.  “How’s my little man doing?  Did your daddy and older brother treat you well?” he asks, and Zayn just seethes.  
  
—  
  
By some sort of managerial miracle, Zayn is given a half day at work, and comes home just after lunch.  As soon as he’s changed into his house clothes, he gets a call from Niall, pleading with him to give Neymar a bath.  
  
“I don’t want to do it, I’m not trained to give baths to spawns of Satan,” Zayn whines.  “What if it tries to eat my hand again?  You don’t want me walking around with a missing finger, do you?”  
  
“Honestly, you’re such a baby, it’s not like he’s going to rip your arm off,” Niall flatly replies.  “I’m going to be home late today and Neymar likes his baths around four, so don’t disappoint him.”  
  
Zayn rolls his eyes and tries not to hit his fist against the wall.  “All right, _fine_.  But if I lose a limb, I’m blaming it all on you.”  
  
Once the clock strikes four, Zayn pokes his head out from the hallway, eyes narrowed when he spots Neymar resting in his cage.  He approaches it with the quietest of tip toes and kneels down to carefully open the cage door, his heart racing when Neymar pops his head up and quickly jumps out with ease.  
  
“I’m supposed to give you a bath or something,” Zayn says, somewhat annoyed.  He holds out his hand and the duckling runs to him, settling his body in Zayn’s palm.  “Well, that was easy,” he snorts.  
  
Zayn holds Neymar at arm’s length when he heads to the kitchen, unsure of what the duckling would do if he held it any closer.  Remembering what Harry had done a few days before, Zayn plugs up the sink and fills it halfway with water, then carefully lowers him into the bath.  He’s expecting Neymar to know the ropes already, but the duckling stays in place, staring intently at his human father.  
  
“Go on, swim!  Quack!  Do what your brethren before you have done!” Zayn flails his hands.  “Come on, Niall needs you cleaned up, and I don’t want him getting pissed at me because you’re being a pain in the ass.”  
  
Zayn pokes at Neymar’s body with his index finger and the duckling kicks away from him, holding his beak high when he turns around and chirps in defiance.  
  
“Why are you being so difficult?  The _real_ Neymar wouldn’t act like this on the field, so you need to be a team player and stop disrespecting your namesake!”  
  
Neymar dips his beak into the water several times, shaking his body and head to clear his nose.  Zayn tries to splash the duckling, only to be met with loud and threatening chirps.  
  
“I try to help and you talk back to me with that attitude?” Zayn says in offense, then relents when he rubs his face in his hands.  “ _Please_ , will you take a bath?  You don’t have to do it for me, but at least do it for Niall."  
  
Neymar then swims around and kicks his webbed feet closer to Zayn, his chirping sounding a lot happier than the defiant one he’d heard earlier.  The duckling soon swims under water and around the sink, excitedly kicking and flapping until he’s satisfied.  Zayn takes him out of the water and onto a clean towel, carefully drying him off.  
  
“See, that wasn’t so bad!  Now you’re sin-free and ready to rock,” he laughs.  Zayn finds himself smiling when Neymar looks up at him, all soft, warm, and snuggling in the palm of his hand.  But their tender father-son moment is ruined when Neymar pecks his beak at Zayn’s wrist, making him yelp in pain.  
  
“This means _war_ , buck-o.  Do that one more time and you're out of here!”  
  
—  
  
 _Life is like a hurricane, here in Duckburg!_  
  
A thumping bass beat blares through the walls, then a slow crescendo of trumpets that awakens Zayn from his sleep.  The clock beside reads 1:06 AM and he groans, covering his head with his pillow to drown out the sound.  He instinctively reaches over to the other side of the bed for Niall, sitting up immediately when he finds it empty.  
  
 _Might solve a mystery or rewrite history, Duck Tales!  Whoo-ooh!_  
  
“Niall?  Where are you?”  
  
He can see a ring of light around the door, flashing intermittently when his vision is somewhat clear enough to see in the dark.  Zayn throws off his blanket and walks towards the living room, poking his head out to find Niall sitting crosslegged in front of the television with a pillow on his lap and Neymar sitting in the middle, chirping his little heart out to the music.  
  
 _What to do, just grab on to some–_  
  
“Duck Tales!  Whoo-ooh!” Niall sings, then throws his head back laughing.  
  
“Of all things to be blasting at one in the morning?”  
  
“Zayn, hey!” Niall lights up, lowering the tv’s volume.  “I didn’t wake you, did I?  Neymar couldn’t sleep, so I figured I’d show who he’s related to, among other famous animated ducks.”  
  
Zayn rolls his eyes, followed by a loud yawn.  “I have work in four hours, can’t you–”  
  
“Shh!  Here comes the good part, hold on,” Niall turns up the volume, singing the last part of the _Duck Tales_ theme song, and claps excitedly when it finishes.  He holds up Neymar to his face, cooing, “Did you see that, baby?  You’re one of them!”  
  
“This is ridiculous, can you please come to bed?”  
  
“After we watch a few episodes, we’re to be acquainted with his brethren,” he replies haughtily.  
  
Zayn gives him an annoyed stare, then stands to attention when Neymar jumps out of Niall’s hands and charges towards his feet instead.  “Stay back or I’ll step on you!” he shouts, then dodges the cushion Niall launches towards his head.  Neymar chirps in a menacing manner, then pecks his beak on Zayn’s big toe before running back to Niall.  
  
“Damn it!  Tell Scrooge McDuck over there to quit it with the beak pecking!”  
  
“At least Uncle Scrooge cares about his grand-nephews, unlike you," Niall glares at him.  
  
“Wha–I care!  If you care, then I care," he lies, unable to hide his grimace.  
  
“No, Zayn.  You don't.”  Niall looks back at the television, the veins in his neck protruding from his clenched jaw.  “Just go back to sleep.”  
  
Zayn scoffs and turns away, walking back to bed in a huff.  “Stupid bird can roast itself in the oven for all I care.”  
  
—  
  
Neymar’s growing up faster than Zayn expects, and his chirping is more than he can take.  The duckling takes too much joy in pecking his beak onto Zayn’s hands and feet, leaving him on the verge of throwing Neymar out of the window when Niall isn’t looking.  
  
Niall soon grows concerned over the food they eat, and bans nearly all chicken and waterfowl products from the house.  Zayn thinks he can live with it until Niall finds a stash of his favorite dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets from the freezer, and trashes it for Zayn to see.  
  
“You just threw away precious cargo!  That bag was going to last me at least five months!”  
  
“I don’t want to offend Neymar, what if we accidentally eat his aunt or one of his cousins?  I can’t live with that, Zayn.  I can’t live knowing I’ve enjoyed the flavors of a fallen family member,” Niall says, on the verge of tears.  “Do you want to take that kind of guilt to your grave?”  
  
“Niall, for the millionth time, he’s not even a chicken!”  
  
—  
  
Zayn’s coworkers, Liam and Louis, try their best to help him through his chicken drought.  But despite their efforts, Zayn dreads having to go to the deli of the market to check on Louis, knowing he’s always cooking up a fresh batch of fried chicken made to order.  
  
“Don’t worry, man, you’ll get through this diet,” Liam says with encouragement.  
  
“It’s not a diet, it’s a death wish,” Zayn tugs at the ends of his hair.  “I’m so tired of Niall paying attention to that stupid bird all the time and hearing that damn _wheepwheepwheep_ every minute of the day!  I’m losing my fucking mind!”  
  
“So why don’t you get some ear plugs?” Louis says in the most obvious tone.  
  
“You’re missing the point!” Zayn whines.  “I want my dinosaur nuggets, I need sustenance!”  
  
“Liam, did you hear that?” Louis gasps, cupping a hand behind his ear.  “I hear a baby crying right here in the frozen food aisle, don’t you?  It’s hurting my ears, make it stop, man!”  
  
“Oh no, it’s like we work in WalMart or something!  These low prices are too stressful!” Liam plays along, pressing his hands to his ears, moaning in pain with Louis.  
  
“Don’t make me cut your hours, dumb and dumber,” Zayn threatens with narrowed eyes.  
  
The market’s PA speakers send a screeching feedback, muffling: _Zayn Malik to the front, please.  Zayn Malik to the front._  
  
He runs towards the front of the market, weaving his way around a few customers until he stops in his tracks, his heart pounding out of his chest when he sees none other than Niall chatting with one of the cashiers.  
  
“Niall, what are you doing here?” Zayn asks, confused.  
  
“I’m off work early so I brought you some lunch!” Niall grins, holding up a plastic bag with two take out boxes.  “I got you cream cheese wontons and shrimp fried rice, your favorite!”  
  
“Babe, are you serious?  You didn’t have to do this!” Zayn laughs in surprise, then swallows hard when he looks over Niall’s shoulder, finding Louis walking past him with a deadly glare.  
  
“I know, but it’s been a while since I’ve visited and I wanted to do something nice for you.”  Niall hands the bag over and kisses him on the cheek, and Zayn turns beet red when a few cashiers begin making kissing noises and wolf whistles in their direction.  
  
“By the way, I’ve got something special planned tonight, just us two,” Niall says in a sultry voice.  
  
“Like a date?” Zayn asks eagerly.  
  
Niall nods and kisses Zayn one more time.  “You might even get lucky.”  
  
—  
  
After a quick shower and a change of clothes, Zayn grabs a bottle of his favorite perfume, spritzing it twice over his neck and chest.  He tucks in his red button down shirt, then fiddles with the cuffs, rolling up the sleeves to show off the tattoos on his forearms that he keeps so well-hidden at work.  
  
Niall walks out of the bathroom wearing black jeans, a white t-shirt, and a black leather jacket, his hair loosely styled to the side that makes Zayn bite his lip.  “Ah, you like what you see?” Niall teases, pulling Zayn towards him for a kiss.  Zayn puts his hands on Niall’s hips and presses him against their dresser, laughing when he feels Niall’s tongue slip into his mouth.  
  
It’s been a while since Zayn’s gotten any from Niall, and he’s desperate to get fucked right then and there.  He’s hoping Niall will bend him over the edge of their bed, hands held behind his back while Niall fucks him deep into the mattress until he can’t stand on his legs for the next two days.  Zayn thinks he’s going to get what he wants until Niall pulls away with a grin, slowly pushing him back with a hand.  
  
“You better save that energy for later,” Niall laughs.  
  
“No, forget the date, just do me now.”  
  
“Patience, Zayn,” he raises a brow, “your time will come and it’ll be in my mouth.”  
  
Zayn bursts out laughing and Niall takes him by the hand, running down the hall towards the front door.  As soon as Zayn unlocks the deadbolt, Neymar chirps rapidly, its sound so deafening Zayn would think the smoke alarm had gone off.  
  
“Don’t worry, we’ll back before you know it,” Niall coos, taking the duckling out of its cage.  
  
“Seriously?  Can you not coddle that damn thing before we leave?” Zayn groans in annoyance, and Niall waves him off to leave.  “Five minutes, that’s all I’m giving you.”  
  
—  
  
Five minutes turns into ten.  Then fifteen.  Twenty.  Thirty.  
  
Niall doesn’t answer any of the texts Zayn sends to him, his stomach growling louder and louder each minute he keeps thinking about what he wants to eat for dinner.  But soon enough, Zayn’s hunger pangs become too much to bear, and it takes over to the point of him unknowingly falling asleep at the wheel.  
  
The siren of an ambulance wakes him up, disoriented at the blaring noise and the throbbing ache in his neck.  He rubs his face and checks his watch, his stomach dropping when he realizes it’s been an entire hour and Niall is still nowhere to be seen.  
  
“Five minutes!  Five fucking minutes!” Zayn pounds his fists against the steering wheel.  He unbuckles his seatbelt and gets out of the car, stomping right back to his apartment.  
  
“Niall!” he shouts, barging through the front door.  
  
“Zayn, what the fuck!” Niall gasps, still holding Neymar in his hands.  “I said I’d be down in a few minutes!”  
  
“It has been an entire hour,” he says in a low growl.  “I have been waiting in that fucking car the entire time and you’re still up here!”  
  
“No it hasn’t!” his mouth drops.  “If it’s been that long, then why didn’t you text me?”  
  
“I did, and you didn’t answer any of them!  You’re deliberately ignoring me!”  
  
“Okay, seriously?  You’re overreacting.”  Niall places Neymar back in his cage, then pulls out his phone from his back pocket.  He goes still, his jaw tensing up when he realizes the time and Zayn’s numerous texts underneath.  “Oh no,” he swallows hard, “my phone was on ‘Do Not Disturb’ mode and I forgot to turn it off after work.  Oh god, I didn’t know, I’m sorry!”  
  
“Oh, great fuckin’ excuse, Niall!” Zayn throws his keys across the room, and lands directly above Neymar’s cage.  Neymar starts chirping even louder and the heightened volume in Zayn’s ears are too much to bear, shouting, “Shut the fuck up, stupid bird!  I fucking hate you!”  
  
“Don’t you dare talk like that to Neymar!” Niall yells at him.  
  
“I’ll talk to him any way I want because I’m sick and tired of you putting that bird before me!” Zayn pounds his chest with a fist.  “I’m tired of hearing all that fucking chirping in the middle of the night and you coddling it like it’s a real fucking baby!  I have been _thisclose_ to snapping its neck off and turning it into fertilizer so you’ll never see it again!”  
  
Niall’s eyes widen and his jaw drops open, horrified at Zayn’s outburst.  He pushes Zayn away from him, hard enough for his back to hit the wall.  
  
“I cannot believe what you just said to me,” Niall fumes, his nose flared when he breathes out.  “I make one mistake and suddenly you want to kill the one thing that’s made me the happiest I’ve been in two weeks?”  
  
“Yeah, I do,” Zayn spits back.  “Ever since you brought that stupid thing here, I feel like I’m second best!  I feel like I don’t even exist anymore!  I was the one who made you happy!”  
  
“Oh, I see.  This isn’t about Neymar—it’s all about _you_ , is that it?  Because I’ve had it up to here not having you around!” Niall shouts, tears welling up in his eyes.  “You got promoted to assistant manager at work, and all I ever see is a fucking ghost of you!  I’ve spent the last four months coming home to an empty apartment and I hate it, Zayn!  I fucking hate it!  Neymar’s the only thing that’s been keeping me from freaking out this entire time!”  
  
“You think I like working all those hours at the market and never seeing you?  Because I don’t!  All I wanted was to go to dinner with you tonight and you left me starving in my own car because you can’t detach yourself from a fucking duck!”  
  
“Neymar is _our_ duck,” Niall prods at Zayn’s chest with a finger.  “But I might as well just toss him in the trash because that’s all he is to you, right?  Stupid me and my stupid ideas to please my idiot boyfriend so we can live a happy fucking life!”  
  
“I never said that!” Zayn feels like his eyes are bulging out of their sockets, his ears burning to unknown temperatures.  “What the hell else do you want me to do, Niall?  I’ve given you everything and you can’t—”  
  
“Oh, fuck you!  You haven’t given me shit since you’ve been gone!  Fuck everything about you!” Niall begins to cry, hands trembling when he presses the heels of his palms to his eyes.  “I didn’t buy Neymar to piss you off,” his voice shakes, taking in a deep breath.  
  
“I bought him so he would bring us closer, and I thought you would be happy to have him around.  But all you’ve been doing is acting like an irrational asshole, and you’ve made it crystal fucking clear how much you enjoy making me and everyone around you miserable, so I’m done.  I’m done with you and this conversation.”  
  
Niall swipes his keys off the coffee table, heading straight for the door.  Zayn quickly grabs Niall’s hands, pulling him back to keep him from leaving.  
  
“You lay one more finger on me and I’ll fucking flip!” he screams, shoving Zayn away.  
  
“Niall, don’t leave!  I swear, we can work this out!  I can make things right, I promise!”  
  
“Back off, Malik!” Niall hisses, and slams the door shut.  
  
—  
  
Zayn texts Liam and Louis about his situation, and the duo arrive to the apartment in under ten minutes, brandishing a large bottle of tequila and a couple of cheeseburgers from the local burger shack up the street.  
  
Louis takes a couple of swigs of tequila and Zayn ends up drinking more than he can handle after he’s eaten, tears streaming down his face every time he feels the liquor hit the back of his throat.  He sends Niall one too many incoherent texts begging him to come home, and sobs even harder knowing Niall’s actively ignoring him.  
  
“Hey, Neymar’s pretty cool,” Liam says in amusement to ease the tension in the apartment.  “He keeps pecking his beak into his body, though, what’s that about?  Is he cleaning himself?  You should probably buy some duck diapers soon, I read these guys like to poop everywhere.”  
  
“I don’t know,” Zayn sniffs, wiping his nose.  “I don’t know anything about him.”  
  
“‘Cause you’re an asshole,” Louis pipes up.  He’s too buzzed to sit up from his position on the floor, limbs sprawled out like a starfish.  “Honestly, you exploded in front of Niall and chased him away.  Did you really think he was going to forgive you that easily?”  
  
“I didn’t explode!  I didn’t!” Zayn drunkenly sobs.  “And why are you taking Niall’s side?  You’re supposed to be _my_ friend, I’m the one that needs support over here.”  
  
“You’re both my friends and I’m not taking anyone’s side.  I’m just lying on your dirty carpet watching Liam play with your disowned son.”  
  
“Oh, so now you’re my mother, telling me everything I’ve done wrong?”  
  
“What do you care, you dinosaur nugget eating motherfucker?”  
  
“Hey!” Liam raises his voice, covering Neymar’s head with his hand.  He sets Neymar down and crawls over Louis, snatching the nearly empty tequila bottle from Zayn’s hand.  Liam smacks Zayn on the forehead when he tries to take the bottle back, and flits Louis’ hands away when he attempts to finish the rest.  
  
“That’s enough from both of you,” Liam says in a commanding voice.  He looks directly at Zayn and lays an even harder smack to his forehead.  
  
“Will you stop hitting me!” Zayn clenches his fists.  
  
“Shut up,” Liam scoffs.  “You’re going to look like a complete asshole if Niall walks in here and you’re still too drunk to even apologize to him.”  
  
“Why do I have to apologize first, he’s the one—”  
  
“For god’s sake, just do it, will you!?” Liam nearly shouts, and Zayn’s taken aback.  “You’ve fucked up enough for one night, don’t let this get any worse than it already is.”  
  
“Then tell me how to win Niall back,” Zayn sniffles.  “I don’t want to lose him, Liam, I love him.”  
  
“I don’t know, man.  But that’s something you’re going to have to figure out yourself.  Louis and I are just here to bruise your ego.”  
  
Liam picks up Neymar where he left him, making odd noises at the duckling that gets him to chirp happily.  “C’mon, little buddy.  Let’s see if we can watch _The Mighty Ducks_ on Netflix, gotta know your roots after all!”  
  
“You can’t watch a _hockey_ movie if he’s named after a _soccer_ player,” Louis scoffs.  “Put on _The Big Green_ or _Bend It Like Beckham_ , that’s the stuff he ought to be watching.”  
  
Zayn rolls off the couch and onto the floor, lying in the fetal position near Neymar’s cage.  The chirping that once drove him insane lulls him into a slumber, and for once, he’s actually glad to hear it.  
  
—  
  
The smell of butter wakes Zayn up from his stupor, lifting his head to find Liam dumping a microwaved bag of popcorn into a large bowl with Neymar watching in the palm of his hand.  Liam sits down on the floor next to a dozing Louis propped against the coffee table, happily munching away while they continue watching their movie.  
  
Zayn flips onto his stomach and crawls back onto the couch, then checks his phone to see Niall’s returned none of his texts in the last hour and a half he’s been gone.  Zayn could cry again, but he holds back, covering his eyes with his arm to block out all the light in the room.  Just then, he hears Liam whispering, and suddenly Zayn feels a familiar peck on his free hand lying on the floor, letting out a whine when Neymar pecks him again.  
  
“No, go away,” he says weakly.  Neymar manages to jump onto the couch and run up Zayn’s arm, and doesn’t fight back when the duckling sits down right in the middle of his chest.  “What do you want?” he asks, uncovering his eyes.  Neymar opens his beak, but he doesn’t chirp, and Zayn somehow translates that into, “I don’t know where Niall is.  I don’t know if he’s coming back.”  
  
Neymar stands up and spreads his tiny wings, then frantically runs up and down the length of Zayn’s torso in a panic.  The duckling misses a step and Zayn catches him, whispering, “It’s okay, Neymar, don’t worry.  Daddy’s got you,” and carefully places him back on his stomach.  Neymar’s chirps sound reminiscent of sobs and Zayn feels guiltier than ever.  
  
“I’m sorry I’ve been such a deadbeat dad.  I’ve never wanted to be that kind of person and yet, I treated you like dirt.  I treated everyone like shit when I didn’t mean to,” Zayn scrunches his lips, then smiles when Neymar settles back down over his chest, listening intently.  
  
“It’s just, when Niall brought you home, I felt so threatened, you know?  Like, you would take over and he wouldn’t give two shits about me anymore.  I was honestly too stupid to see Niall was lonely this entire time and all he needed was for me to be home, until he found you.”  
  
Neymar chirps softly and he walks a little closer towards Zayn’s neck, his soft down feathers tickling his chin.  Zayn quickly wipes away his tears, softly petting Neymar with the pad of his thumb.  
  
“I’m sorry about what I said earlier, that I’d turn you into fertilizer.  I didn’t mean it and it’ll never happen.  I can’t even kill a spider without screaming at the top of my lungs, let alone hurt a little cutie like you.   _Yes_ , I think you’re cute, but don’t tell anyone,” Zayn laughs with a sniffle.  Neymar rubs his head against Zayn’s jaw a few times, and his heart melts at the affection.  
  
“As much as I hate to admit it, you really do make Niall a lot happier than I ever could.  I messed up big time tonight and who knows if I’ll even be around anymore.  At least you won’t let Niall down like I have.”  
  
Zayn continues talking to Neymar and pets him until he falls asleep, completely unaware that the volume on the tv had gone down, and notices Louis grinning behind his phone.  
  
“Zayn, that was really sweet, man,” Louis puts a hand over his heart.  “Maybe that’s all Niall needs to hear.”  
  
—  
  
Neymar sleeps on Zayn’s chest for the next hour, and Zayn links his hands together to form a barrier to keep him from falling off.  Zayn smiles at the peaceful duckling, trying not to laugh when Neymar occasionally shudders and instantly goes back to sleep.  
  
But soon, Zayn eyes start to flutter, Liam and Louis becoming a blur of silhouettes in front of the television.  He’s half asleep when he hears the front door click open, the hush of whispers quiet enough not to disturb him or Neymar from their slumber.  
  
 _You’re sure you’re okay?_  
  
 _I’ll be fine, you guys go ahead.  And thanks for watching Neymar._  
  
 _Better talk to Zayn before he starts crying again._  
  
 _Yeah, he’s an ugly crier, who knew?_  
  
The murmur of voices fades when the door is shut, leaving Zayn in complete silence.  The cushions sink a little and he feels a shake to his shoulders, forcing him to open an eye.  A familiar swoop of blond hair clouds his vision and suddenly he’s awake, his heart racing at the sight of Niall smiling at him.  
  
“Niall!  You came back!” Zayn says in relief, mindful of his movements around Neymar.  
  
“Of course I did.  I live here, don’t I?” Niall forces himself to laugh, and it pains Zayn to hear that.  
  
“I’m sorry,” Zayn reaches for Niall’s hand.  “I’m so sorry I’ve been acting like a jackass and ruined our night.  I’ll do anything–”  
  
“Shh.”  Niall leans down, gently pressing his lips over Zayn’s.  “I saw the video.  You don’t have to explain.”  
  
“What video?”  
  
“The one of you talking to Neymar, Louis sent it to me a while ago.”  
  
“Louis?  He recorded me the whole–” Zayn rolls his eyes, shaking his head when he chuckles.  “I was wondering why he was smiling when I looked at him.”  
  
They stay quiet for a moment, and Neymar wakes up as soon as Niall pets him, chirping happily and burrowing himself into Niall’s palm.  Niall picks him up and cradles Neymar to his chest, laughing softly when the duckling nibbles on the collar of his shirt.  
  
Zayn sits up from his position and pulls up his knees, resting his head over a hand with a smile.  “He went crazy when I told him you weren’t home.  Little guy missed you.”  
  
“Not as much as I missed him,” Niall chuckles.  “And you.”  
  
Zayn’s eyes widen, then looks down in remorse.  “Where did you go?”  
  
“Nowhere, really, I just drove around.  I met up with Harry where he works and we talked for a while until I felt level headed enough to come home.   I got Louis’ video as soon as I was in the car, and–” Niall pauses, eyes welling up.  “After hearing everything you said, I drove as fast as I could to come back to you.”  
  
Neymar chirps again and Zayn holds out his hands, surprising Niall when he gently takes the duckling and pets him until he’s quiet.  
  
“I can’t believe you thought I could replace you, Zayn.”  
  
“I was stupid,” he says, ashamed.  “I know I’m gone nearly all day, and I thought that bringing Neymar home meant you were getting tired of me.  I’d have to start back at square one if you left.”  
  
“You idiot, I love you too much to do that,” Niall shakes his head.  He cups the side of Zayn’s face with a smile, then brings him in for a kiss.  “But I’m sorry, too, Zayn.  I’m sorry if you felt like I was pushing you away.”  
  
Zayn takes Niall’s free hand in his, holding on tight.  “Then we start fresh right now.  Everything from here on out, it’ll be us three.  As a family.”  
  
Niall hastily kisses Zayn, rushed and sloppy like the first time they’d gone on a date nearly four and a half years ago.  “Don’t leave me like that again,” Zayn sniffles, and Niall kisses him even harder.  Neymar chirps loudly and they break apart, laughing when he stands on his webbed feet and flaps his wings.  
  
“Don’t worry, little guy, we don’t always kiss in front of an audience.”  
  
“When did you become fluent in duck-speak?” Niall asks jokingly.  
  
“An hour ago.  Pretty easy to learn, actually, I might teach you a thing or two,” Zayn picks at his nails, grinning smugly.  
  
“Getting cocky, I like that,” Niall bites his lip seductively.  
  
Niall helps Zayn off the couch and together they put Neymar in his cage, petting his head until he falls asleep for the night.  
  
“Promise the next time I act this stupid, you’ll knock some sense into me?” Zayn asks, and Niall laughs, resting his head on Zayn’s shoulder.  
  
“I should have knocked you on your ass days ago,” he replies in jest, miming a punch to Zayn’s cheek.  “Just promise me you’ll be here with Neymar when I open the door.  That’s all I want.”  
  
“Anything for you,” Zayn tilts Niall’s chin up with his thumb, delicately kissing him.  “I promise.”  
  
—  
  
Lying in bed, Zayn and Niall cuddle against each other, legs intertwined while they softly kiss.  Niall squeaks in Zayn’s mouth when he feels Zayn’s hand on his ass, squeezing hard to bring him closer.  
  
“Wait, I was just thinking,” Zayn pulls away, breathless.  “What if we bring home another duckling?”  
  
“So soon?” Niall asks in surprise.  
  
“Yeah, like a brother or a sister for Neymar, so he doesn’t get lonely.”  
  
“You’d better not be messing with me,” Niall props himself up with an elbow, getting a better look at Zayn.  
  
“I mean it, Niall.  We’ll go to that hatchery you went to and get as many as you want.  I put in a good word for Liam at the market to be promoted as an assistant manager, that way we can share the workload and I’ll be home more often to take care of– _mmf!_ ”  
  
Zayn’s eyes shoot wide open, taken by surprise from Niall kissing him halfway through his sentence.  He relaxes a moment later, laughing uncontrollably when Niall kisses all over his face in delight.  
  
“They took you away from me for four months, don't let them do that again.”  
  
“I won't, I promise.  But we should celebrate, we’ll have a night in like we used to.”  
  
“I’d like that, but–“ Niall holds up a finger, then climbs over Zayn, straddling his waist.  “I did say you’d get lucky tonight, didn’t I?”  
  
“Oh, y-yeah, you did,” he stutters, cheeks turning flush from Niall’s touch.  “What if we wake up Neymar?”  
  
“Then you’ll just have to be a quiet little mouse, won’t you?” Niall grins, pinning Zayn’s hands above his head.  “Better call in sick tomorrow, ‘cause there’s no way you’re walking upright when I’m done with you.”  
  
Zayn tips his head back in satisfaction, and Niall gives him what he’s been waiting for all night.


End file.
